Hearts On Save
by Kat56
Summary: "Of course I'm not okay, I care about you and the thought of not being with you is eating me up inside. I just wish that you could at least be honest, you've fallen into deep and you're scared" A/N: Not my world its JKR's I'm just playing in it.
1. Chapter 1

Prologue 

The first time he saw her, he had known that there was something different about her something that drew him in and wouldn't let go. It wasn't love at first sight in any sense of the word, but there had been something there. She was on of the few girls at school that he found interesting. She was the only woman that he could say ever had any hold over him. As much as he hated to admit it Marlene Mckinnion was probably the closest he would ever get to a soul mate. She was intelligent, powerful, fierce, brave, and loyal. She could hold her own against him in an argument, which was no easy feat, and was the only non-marauder other then Lily that could get away with putting him in his place. With long blonde hair, stunning blue eyes, and a great figure she could be described as nothing short of beautiful. Well at least in his eyes. She was perfect for him, and yet he had broken it off. Why? Well, it was because he was too chicken to let her get any closer to him.

Their relationship had started off as nothing more then casual. Two people who liked each other trying it out. Neither had been very serious, a few casual dates here and there. They had started seeing each other in the middle of sixth year, but it had taken almost a year before either would have defined the other as a girlfriend or boyfriend. She was smart, beautiful, and most importantly laid-back. He had been a bit of a serial prior to her. Dating girls one after the other, and when they got to clingy he broke it off. Marlene was never clingy, they could go days without talking to each other. She never pushed for information, but was there silently for him when he just needed to be with someone. She accepted that the Marauders came first, just as he did that her friends did as well.

Slowly, but surely Marlene had wormed her way into his life. After graduation when they both joined the Order they only became closer. He never questioned it, not until that one mission. The evening had been quite, and they had just spent the entire night talking. He felt himself becoming too comfortable in their relationship, he felt himself wanting to tell her he loved her. Sirius Black did not fall in love, he couldn't, love required giving over a part of ones self that he didn't think he could. He had only loved a hand-full of people in his life. Two of them his mother, and Regulus had let him down in the worst way possible. The other four; James, Remus, Peter, and even Lily had taken years to break down his shield they were his family now. He didn't think he could open up like that to anyone else. He didn't think he could handle having his heart broken again. If life had taught him anything it had been that the people that do the most damage are the ones closest too you. He had let the marauders in, because he needed something too hold onto in order to survive. It had taken a lot of effort to rip those scars open, he didn't think he could handle it again. He, also didn't think he was truly capable of loving her the way she deserved.

So, the next day he broke it off with her citing the war as his reason. She didn't shed a tear, at least not in front of him. When he asked her if she was okay, she looked at him and said "Of course I'm not okay, I care about you and the thought of not being with you is eating me up inside. But, I realize that no amount of pleading with you is going to change your mind. I just wish that you could at least be honest, all this war talk is bullshit and you know it. The reason your running is because you've fallen in deeper then you thought and your scared." With that she turned and walked out of the room. For the next five months they acted as if nothing happened, it was the only way to cope. It was if they had both locked up their hearts, saving them for later. Both fought ferociously in the war, showing strength and courage beyond measure.

Life went on as usual for the next little while, until the day she went home for the weekend to visit her family. She never came back, the news knocked the wind out of him for days. He couldn't breath, think, or even function. Despite his attempt at self-preservation her death had shook him. He knew then that he had truly loved her, and now she was gone.


	2. Chapter 2

It was a cold and grey morning in London, the clouds hung over the city in a dark and depressing manner. It's funny how during the darkest of times Mother Nature chooses to allow the plights of humans dictate how she acts. It was almost as if she couldn't bare to allow the sun to shine in a place of such evil.

It was early July, but you could see your breath. However, the chill in the air was from more than just the cold. It was desperation and it clung to the air like death. A young man with black hair stepped out of his one bedroom flat, and looked around with steel grey eyes. He pulled his long black coat closer to him trying to block out the cold. He began walking down the road taking no notice to those who passed him by. Walking with tall confident strides until he got to fork in the road. It was a cold and dirty bus stop, and the young man looked distinctly out of place standing beside it. He was tall, well built, with sharp aristocratic features. He was breathtakingly handsome, and this did not go unnoticed by the women waiting at the bus stop. His clothing was well made and obviously expensive, the young man obviously came from wealth. It wasn't just in his clothing or even his looks, it was the way the man held himself. Strong and confident he seemed to emit power.

He took a look at his wrist watch growing more, and more impatient. The bus was late. Why did Remus insist on using that damn muggle contraption anyway, he thought acidly. It was cold, wet and he was bored and impatient, and Sirius Black does not do bored and impatient. Well, he could always have a little fun, he thought with a mischievous smirk. However, before he could exercise said fun the bus pulled up and off it stepped the man he had been waiting for.

Remus Lupin was tall, lanky, and pale. A look that made him look distinctly ill almost all the time. He had soft amber eyes, and a kind face that was unfortunately marred by various cuts. "Looks like I got here just in the nick of time," he chucked. "Always the spoil sport eh Moony!" Sirius smirked as he threw his arm around his friends shoulder. " We should get going before they start to worry I've made us late enough as it is" sighed Remus. The two began to walk down the road till they arrived at a rather odd looking pub with a sign that said "the Leaky Cauldron." What was even stranger was that most people didn't even seem to notice to strange little pub.

The two men were greeted with somber faces as soon as the entered. There group of friends motioned the, to join them at there table. "About time you two showed up, we were beginning to worry," said a young woman with red hair and vibrant green eyes. " Take that up with Moony, Evans if he didn't insist on playing the muggle we would have been on time," said Sirius offering her a small smile as he sat down beside a blonde woman with vivid blue eyes. "Hows it going short stuff?" he asked the blonde mussing her hair. " Watch it Sirius, unless your looking to get hexed" she smiled good-naturedly.

Despite the the friendly welcoming there was a slight edge at the table, an unspoken boundary that needed to be crossed. Yet, no one seemed willing to cross it. Sirius looked across the table at his best mate, a tall man with with black messy hair and glasses. James raised his hazel eyes to meet the grey of Sirius'. The grey eyes bore into the hazel as if trying to ask some unspoken question, hazel gazed back intently until the grey twinkled in realization. As James and Sirius had there silent conversation the group had settled into an uneasy silence. Lily gazed around the bar, noticing for the first time how unusually empty it was. It was a marker of the time people feared venturing out into the public. A growing sense of doom hung over the city as news of more deaths and more disappearances came every day. Marlene just stared intently at her hands, while Remus glanced back and forth trying to grasp some gist of what James and Sirius were silently saying to each other.

Marlene fidgeted silently, she couldn't take it anymore. She grabbed the news paper that was lying in the center of the table. Hoping and praying that there would be no news about someone she knew. She had been lucky enough to have had very little personal contact with the events surrounding the community. However, few acquaintances had lost everything and she knew it would be only a matter of time before it hit her in the face. Taking a deep breath she slowly began to read, and then there it was the thing she had been dreading. She let out a sob, and the whole table turned to look at her. "Marnie Greengrass and her family were found dead in there homes this morning," she hiccoughed " We were friends till third year," she sobbed. Sirius pulled her closer as she cried into his shoulder. "It happened it finally happened" Lily chocked trying to blink the tears out of her eyes. "It had to happen sooner or later, someone we knew was bound to end up dead," muttered James trying to keep his composure. "We've been lucky so far, it was bound to catch up."

"But, Marnie who would want to kill Marnie she was so sweet and nice. Everybody liked her," cried Marlene. "Her father was a high standing Ministry Official, one of the first to actively speak out about what's happening. Voldemort and his lackeys probably killed him to scare off other Ministry members from doing the same," said Remus quietly. "Sirius, I hate to ask this of you but have you heard anything from your family lately. Any word of what's going on?" James asked not being able to bring himself to look into Sirius' eyes. He knew all well how involved Sirius' family was with the incidents. He hated reminding Sirius of that, but they needed information. Sirius' eyes grew dark as he spoke. " I haven't heard much just hints here and there, but it sounds like Voldemort has been going to all the old families asking for support. Trying to build-up his followers. I don't know for sure, but it ... it sounds like they want war.

"War, are you certain?

"Not certain no, but it seems likely"

"What about your family, what are they doing?" James asked fearing the answer but they needed to know.

"My family has aligned itself with Voldemort, I get letter after letter reminding me of my duty to do the same"


	3. Chapter 3

"What?" said Remus shaking his head he could not believe his ears, he knew Sirius' family was vile but this was whole different thing.

"Oh, Sirius" Lily cried as she no longer even attempted to hold back her tears. Sirius felt a soft hand on his, and her turned to look at Marlene. Her tears had all dried up and she was now gazing at him with a look that clearly said "I'm here for you." That was Marlene for you. She could be in a deep depression, but as soon as someone she cared about needed her, she was there strong and dependable.

There was a dead silence everyone was waiting for James' reaction. His face had turned to stone, but his hands shook as he tried to take a sip of tea. He had to put it down for it threatened to spill all over his lap. He looked at his friend with hard hazel eyes and asked quietly " What are you going to do then?"

"I ..." "Should we maybe go someplace a little quieter to discuss this," Remus interjected.

"No, it is not as if I haven't always made it clear where I stand. I've refused every letter they sent me. I fight with you guys, and I'm not going to let some bully with a superiority complex frighten me away from my beliefs,"

"Sirius for you choosing our side of the war means death. I'm not letting you make this decision," James whisper angrily. As Remus waved his wand casting a silencing charm over there table to prevent anyone from over hearing their conversation.

"Won't let me James, you have no right to decide this for me!"

"You're a Black Sirius, not just that you're the Black heir siding against Voldemort, his followers and your family. They will have to make an example of the pure-blood who defected!"

"I am more aware of the consequences of my action then you James, and it doesn't change a god damn thing!" Sirius yelled angrily.

"Enough both of you! James you can't ask this of Sirius as hard as it might be to accept his decision is the right one," Lily stated as calmly as she could muster. In truth she was just as worried about Sirius as James. He had become like a brother to her since she began dating James, and the thought of him being in danger made her sick to her stomach.

"But, he could pretend. I don't care I just want you alive, Sirius please!" James begged.

"James, you haven't seen Voldemort yet. He's strong, really strong, and I don't think you would be able to fake it, I know your worried but I can't," Sirius said softly. "Please understand" James nodded a defeated look in his eye, it was an argument he knew he couldn't win.

"Lets go for a walk calm our nerves," suggested Remus. They all nodded, and walked out the backdoor of the pub and into the street of Diagon ally. It was at least still well populated, people felt safer in large groups so major congregational areas held a sense of security. Remus had been right the fresh air made everyone feel better. The sky was still grey, but it had warmed up slightly.

Only a trained eye, could tell that the people walking the cobblestone street were on edge. Witches in long billowy cloaks seemed to have a tighter hold on their children's hands then usual. People seemed to be eyeing each other warily, and walking in abnormally large groups, and all seemed to have one hand on their wands.

They watched as a group of four eleven year old boys stood in a small group on the side of the road whispering to each other excitedly. James, Sirius, and Remus gave each other a slight smirk despite of themselves. All three men drifted silently in day dreams of a much simpler time. Sirius felt Marlene slip her small hand into his, and the group walked over to a bench to sit. James cuddled up to Lily, and Sirius pulled Marlene closer to him.

"Either of you seen Peter lately?" Sirius asked.

" Yeah, he got that job at the Ministry it keeps him busy, but he really seems to love it," supplied Remus.

"Good for him, I just wish he was around more. Its times like this where you need your friends by your side," James stated simply.

" I know, but this job has done wonders for his self-esteem. Besides he said he will be at dinner on Saturday night,"

" Good, I'm starting to miss the little guy," yawned Sirius.

"Get some sleep tonight Padfoot, you're going to need it for Auror training tomorrow."

"Don't worry your pretty little head Prongs, I'll be ready."

Lily looked down at her wrist watch and said "James we better get going we have to go see Mr. Baker about the house,"

"Yeah, see you guys later" said James

"I better go too" said Remus

As their three friends walked away Marlene turned to face Sirius "We need to talk about this"

" I was wondering how long it would take you?" he chuckled.

" I understand your decision Sirius and don't get me wrong I fully support you every step of the way. I just need to know how your feeling about the situation, and what I can do o make it better?"

" I don't really know how I feel, this whole situation with my family has been so fucked up that ... I knew this was going to happen. I just couldn't ..." he paused not willing to say the words.

"Accept it" she supplied, as he hung his head in embarrassment. He knew what his family was like why then did he insist on believing that they could change.

" You love them Sirius, despite it all you love them. And wanting to see the best in people you care about isn't a crime." she said taking his hand in hers.

"No but it is stupid, and naivety like that is going to get you killed in war,"

"Don't give up hope, maybe once this war if it really comes to that they will see,"

"No, its too late to think anything can change them,"

"Oh, Sirius," she sighed. He wheeled around on her "Don't you dare pity me," he growled.

" And there you go again, why do you think that everyone who cares about you does it out of pity? Do you really see that little of your worth?" Marlene stated calmly her bright blue eyes gazed intently into his.

" Why do you do this? Why do you have to question and analyze every little thing I do. Yes! Marlene I don't see my worth, and how could I? I'm a Black! Marlene don't you get that I'm worth nothing. I come from one of the most vile, nasty, horrible, families ever. People like the Greengrasses are worth ten of me," he whispered angrily as she pulled him into an alcove and cast a silencing spell.

" No, Sirius you are worth something you are surrounded by people who love and care about you. Why can't you see what we do? I can accept that you choose to publicly side against Voldemort. But I will not accept this death sentence that you have given yourself in order to atone for their sins. That is not your responsibility, and I refuse to you let you go around thinking it is" She yelled ferociously.

" I'm sorry this whole thing is just so fucked up ..." he stuttered as the tears began to role down his face. She pulled him into a hug and whispered. " I know it hurts, but you'll get through this you just need to let us in. You can't do this alone no one can."


End file.
